Yo dont text me then not text me
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
