some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
