Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
