i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
