I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
