hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
