the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize