So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
This is my gift to your gina
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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