i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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