I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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