i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
