The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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