she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
