I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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