what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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