Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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