He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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