I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
