anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
