dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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