I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
