are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just gift wrapped bread.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
