So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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