Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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