i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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