I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
