The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
