Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
