Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
