I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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