Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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