he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
