i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
