Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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