Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
