I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
