I don't think brook has ever known best
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
