hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
