I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
