I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize