rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
