His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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