WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
