whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
