I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
