It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
