Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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