So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
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