I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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