I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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