I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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