You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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