if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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