you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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