You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
