Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
