8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
