if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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