By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
