the only muscles i have these days is kegels
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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