alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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