You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She bit a glass in half.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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