a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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