I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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