I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
