Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she peed on how many people?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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