ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
