i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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