i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
