it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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